AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
