Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
