PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
