He uses pillows to masturbate.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
