I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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