We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
