So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
