She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
