i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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