If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
