Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
