he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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