i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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