Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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