i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
