at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
