yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
