life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
