found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
