i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Too much gin, very little bucket
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Holy shit dude........stairs
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