ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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