He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
