yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
being pregnant is like rehab
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Alive.
So much puke
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
