how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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