my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
