Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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