My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
