Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's official drugs can't kill me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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