Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
