How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
