Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she told me i tasted like america
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
