Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
