He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He kissed a someone with a penis
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
