There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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