I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
