whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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