i was born a porn star she said
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you inspire me to be a worse person
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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