I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
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They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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