My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
