batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
