end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
