last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
