ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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