it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
