i was rollin on her like bob the builder
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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