I wish I could punch you in the face.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
