you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
