I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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