beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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