Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
