I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
