i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
