I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
