I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
