The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
