I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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