In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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