i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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