What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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