Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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