So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
