The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
