this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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