i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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