He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
