How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
