either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
