I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
