i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
