sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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