didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
