someone get that fucking seahorse.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
