this beer tastes like vomit already
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
