I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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