Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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