i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
