guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
