So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's blow job season.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
